


I'll be the love of your life inside your head

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abusive Parents, Blow Jobs, Body Dysphoria, Bottom Yamaguchi Tadashi, Childhood Trauma, Choking, Crossdressing Kink, Depressed Yamaguchi Tadashi, Established Relationship, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Hotels, Hurt Yamaguchi Tadashi, M/M, Minor Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Power Bottom Yamaguchi Tadashi, Riding, Running Away, Self-Harm, Sharing Clothes, Slow Burn, Soft Tsukishima Kei, Song: Sweater Weather (The Neighbourhood), Top Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei is a Good Friend, Underage Drinking, Yamaguchi Tadashi Needs a Hug, Yamaguchi Tadashi's Freckles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:33:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28007763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Yamaguchi makes a choice to run away from his home, knowing nothing will be better, nobody loves him so why not start over?Tsukishima finds out his plan and wants to leave, knowing his second too long stares in his best friend's direction wasn't for nothing.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter one

_I'm leaving in one week. I've made up my mind, and nothing will change that. Nobody cares, why would I stay knowing nothing will get better? I have a few more things to do before I go. Get my medication refills, new clothes, canned food, money. Really anything a basic human needs. This next week will be torture. Especially since I'll be leaving Tsukishima...but I'm bettering myself. And that's what is important. Talk later diary...if you even care. Nobody else does._

Yamaguchi groaned, throwing his notebook to the ground and sighing drastically. He had money kept in his bank account, so all he needed was to get his mom drunk, which wouldn't be a problem since she pretty much always is, naturally. And get the code out of her. 

Then he would get his medication, clothes and food. His bag was already packed with deodorant, self-cleansing equipment and a shit load of socks. 

There was one week left of school-for him, at least. So that meant he needed to keep up the, 'I'm happy,' act until Friday. Which would be easy, considering he's had to do it his entire life. Or, who knows, maybe it will be harder knowing the people who love him most will be left behind. 

Yamaguchi was anxious, to say the least. Leaving everything behind and starting new would be difficult. 

Sure, he could just end his own life, but what would be the point of that? Fake people crying and acting like they weren't a prime example as to why he committed? It would, not only, be unwanted attention, but a chance for people to use horrible photos of him. And he didn't want that. He couldn't stand the thought of that, actually. 

Shrugging away his thoughts, Yamaguchi rose from his bed, straight to his bathroom and began washing his face with water. 

He could feel his acne throughout washing it and cringed. Each day he had the same inward argument with himself about being ugly. Expectedly, nobody defended him by saying, 'you're not ugly' or anything along the lines.

After washing and drying his face, Yamaguchi brushed his teeth, lazily changed into any clean clothes he could find, slipping on some vans and left the house through his window.

He didn't bother attempting the front door or going downstairs. If he woke his mom, she would be furious. And he didn't have enough strength to deal with her at eight on a Monday morning. 

The walk to school was probably the best part of the day. Yamaguchi would have headphones in, _the neighbourhood_ playing as he walked, hands shoved down his pockets. It gave him a sense of freedom. A second to think that maybe, sooner or later, thing's would be ok. 

That thought usually fucked off within a few seconds, though. It usually cares at an orgasmic feeling from a song. Like softcore, the chorus. It gave him hope but that hope was washed away fast. Momentary positivity. 

Some days, he waited and met up with Tsukishima. But today, he couldn't find it in himself to approach his friend. Not when Yamaguchi knew he would be leaving in less than a week. 

Although, Tsukishima probably didn't need Yamaguchi. After all the times he said, 'shut up, Yamaguchi,' Yama got the feeling he was a burden, rather than a friend. 

It was embarrassing, honestly. How often Yamaguchi relied on Tsukishima because he assumed it was a two-sided friendship. 

"I'm so lame..." Yamaguchi whispered to himself, kicking the rocks along the sidewalk. Wishing _he_ was a _fucking_ rock. 

Suddenly, someone was pressed against his side, causing him to scream like a little girl until he recognized the all too familiar scent. 

"Hi..." Yamaguchi mumbled, "How was your morning?" 

"Good! Really good, in fact." Hinata enthusiastically responded, "I noticed you were alone, so we joined you!" 

"We?" 

Hinata pulled Kageyama-who looked unbelievably unhappy, to the point it was almost laughable-to the other side of Yamaguchi. 

"Hi, Yama. Sorry..." Kageyama sighed, "This dumbass dragged me here, we didn't mean to disturb you."

Yamaguchi nodded, understanding that was a nicer way of Kageyama telling him he didn't want to be there. 

"You do realize you're bigger than him, right? You can just walk away. And, clearly, I'm that unbearable to be with." Yamaguchi shot back, shoving his headphones back in his ears and walking faster. He knew it was much too harsh, but if he didn't say anything tears were sure to fall. 

Behind him, Kageyama and Hinata just stared blankly. 

"Did I upset him?" Hinata asked softly, "Should I go tell him I'm sorry? I didn't mean to!" 

Kageyama rolled his eyes, "Shut up, you idiot! I don't know why you tried walking with him anyway. He doesn't like us, get that through your head." He held his mean-guy ground, but deep down, Kageyama felt awful for upsetting Yama. Especially since he knew what it was he said wrong.

"You're always so mean..." Hinata huffed. 

"Yeah..." Kageyama whispered, "Let's just keep walking..."

Yamaguchi kept speed walking until he saw the school. Slowing down once he got closer. He already dreaded this day, and it wasn't even nine yet. 

He kept his headphones in until he reached campus, knowing they would be taken away from him, having learnt from previous experience. 

It was hard to pretend everything was ok. Especially when it wasn't. 

"Morning," Tsukishima uttered, "How are you?" His presence was new but nice. 

"Fine...and you?" Yamaguchi replied. He tried being much less enthusiastic around Tsukishima anymore. Not after remembering how pathetic he used to be.

"I'm alright." 

Yamaguchi nodded, unplugging his headphones and shoving them back into his pockets. All he had to do was wait until the bell rang. 

"Are you sure you're ok? You've been acting strange recently," Tsukki urged on, "You can, like, talk to me if you need." 

"How have I been acting strange?"

"I...you've stopped... clinging to me," Tsukishima's face heated, from pale so bright red colour, "And like, it's fine, I don't really care...but..."

Yamaguchi raised an eyebrow, "But what?" 

"I just want to know if I did something! God..." 

Sudden anger-filled Yamaguchi's stomach. He walked closer to Tsukishima, and looked into his eyes, "You treat me like shit. Always telling me to shut up when you know well enough I'm the only one who cares. Could you be more selfish?" 

Tsukishima blinked, so Yamaguchi continued, 

"My entire childhood was spent with me being teased, and you miraculously showing up and saving me! I spent every day jealous because I wasn't you, but now I realize how awful it must be being you!" 

Before any more words could be shared, the bell began ringing. As fast as he could, Yamaguchi ran off to his class. Done with this discussion and feeling nothing but guilt suffocating his stomach. He wanted-needed-to puke. 

Yamaguchi reached his locker, panting and groaning into it. Receiving confused and irritated glances from the students surrounding him. He ignored it. Knowing well enough he was having an anxiety attack and he just pushed away from the only friend who knew how to help him. 

"Tadashi, are you alright?" Nishinoya asked, joining Yamaguchi by his locker and gently caressing his back, "Do you need some water? Why don't I take you to the bathroom." 

"I don't...need...pity," Yamaguchi breathed out, tears streaming down his face. Warm, thick tears, "I...need..." He wasn't sure how to finish that sentence.

"What? What do you need?" 

"To go home..." 

Nishinoya stops caressing Yamaguchi's back. Instead, wrapping an arm around his waist and walking him towards the office. He snarled at anyone who so much as glanced in their direction. 

"Yams, would you like to call your parents?" Nishinoya suggested, "We're at the office." 

Yamaguchi shook his head, "Please, just pretend we're going to the bathroom. My mom...she can't know I'm leaving school." 

"Alright, ok. Do you need anyone? Tsukishima?" 

"No! I don't need anyone, Noya. I...just take me home," He sobbed, tears soaking through Nishinoya's clothes, but didn't mention it. 

Once they-somehow-got out of the school, Nishinoya sat Yamaguchi down on a nearby bench. Knowing he needed to ask questions, but having no idea how to start that conversation. 

"Uh, want to talk?" He tried, inwardly slapping himself. 

"About?" Yamaguchi asked, "How gross I am?" 

Nishinoya raised a brow, "Who told you that? I don't believe you're gross." 

Yamaguchi felt awful. This was now the fourth person within about fifteen minutes who he had been a complete asshole too. And honestly, he wasn't sure why. With Tsukishima, his words were held back. But a large part of him wished they stayed concealed. And with Hinata, Kageyama and Nishinoya-they were simply trying to help. 

"I'm sorry I'm being so mean..." Yamaguchi mumbled suddenly, "I don't mean to be, I promise. I just keep getting hurt and my reflex is to do the same...I'm sorry, Noya. You're always nice to me, and now I'm being mean? You should hate me...I deserve that."

Nishinoya chuckled, "Don't say sorry, and don't say you deserve to be hated. All you've ever done is smile and make me laugh. We all have our off days, alright? Your feelings are nothing to feel bad about, they're valid. I'm sorry people hurt you. You don't deserve that, and I stick by my word." 

"Thank you...do you think he'll always hate me?" 

"Who do you mean?" 

Yamaguchi looked to his feet. 

"Tsukishima?" Noya asked, "He could never." 

"I don't know about that..." 

"Yams, look at me," Nishinoya directed. Yamaguchi did was he was told. "Tsukishima has never given me a high-five. Never cheered me on, never hugged me. He would do all of that and more for you in a heartbeat. Can't you see how much you mean to him?" 

Yamaguchi almost wished he never said anything, to begin with. It's going to be so hard leaving Tsukishima. And somehow, that feeling just increased. 

"Yeah, he's..." Yams smiled, "He's my best friend." 

"Exactly. Now, whatever you said or did, would have been for a reason. He'll forgive you. In fact, he probably already has." Noya hugged his friend, "I'm not much help...but I hope I made you understand, even slightly, how much you mean to Tsukki." 

"You did...thank you so much, Noya. You're a good guy. You should probably go back now, though. I don't want you in trouble for my sake."

Noya grinned, "I'm already in trouble. See you later, dude. Call or text if you get anxious again, alright?" 

Yamaguchi nodded and waved away Nishinoya.

Another one who will suck to leave behind. 

Yamaguchi dragged himself home. Walking through the front door once he noticed his mom's car was gone. 

He made himself some eggs, toast and cut some strawberries. Eating it all much too fast, but barely caring. Music played through the speakers while he danced, the music stopping and dinging every so often when a message came through. Five in total.

He gave in after the last message and checked his phone, feeling his stomach drop as soon as he saw who was messaging. He felt awful again. 

**_Tsukki; I'm sorry._ **

**_Tsukki; I know I've been a sucky friend._ **

**_Tsukki; Where are you?_ **

**_Tsukki; Did you have an anxiety attack?_ **

**_Tsukki; Please respond. I can't lose you. And I know I'm awful, but I need you._ **

Yamaguchi threw his phone to the floor, unbothered by the cracking sound it made. He ran upstairs, downed a few of his anxiety and sleep pills before gulping some water and a sugary drink he found under his bed. 

Why couldn't everything just-fuck off?

As lazily as he could, still staying on his bed, he grabbed his phone. Replying, despite how broken his phone was now. 

_**Me; I'm fine. I'm sorry.** _

_**Tsukki; Can I come over after school?**_

_**Me; I'm sorry, not today...** _

_**Tsukki; Tomorrow, then?** _

_**Me; I guess...see you later.** _

For the second time, Yamaguchi collapsed on his bed. Dozing off shortly after. 

He dreamt about Tsukishima, as he did each night. And how perfect their lives could be if Yamaguchi wasn't so fucked up and raised so poorly. 

He imagined a house they lived in. With an in-grown pool in the backyard, two dogs-small dogs-and a shit ton of blankets and pillows surrounding the house. 

They had two children. Fraternal twins. One boy and one girl. They were all happy. Cliche, happy and never want to change their lives because it was that damn perfect.

Much to Yamaguchi's dismay, though, that was not his reality and he woke to a scream from downstairs. His mother clumsily banging on his door, and him rushing to hide in the closet. Alcoholics-they suck, 

It got late fast; was his last thought before going out again. 


	2. Chapter two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> self-harm trigger warning!! (descriptive)

_Four more days. I'm not sure how I'm not having more frequent panic attacks...maybe this is, truly, good for me and not just some excuse I told myself over and over. Tsukishima is coming over after school. That's gonna be pretty cool...but at the back of my mind, all I can think about is how this might be the last time. He's pretty, I've noticed recently. Very, very pretty. I've also noticed how much I'm going to miss my team. Even Hinata and Kageyama, those idiots who argue and bicker every second of every living minute. They try so hard to convince themselves and themselves it isn't sexual tension...anyway, bye._

As always, Yamaguchi cleaned his room, bathroom and pretty much anywhere he knew Tsukishima would step. He was the type of person to stress clean. Some said it was cute, others, annoying and silly. 

After yesterday, their one-sided argument, Yamaguchi was more nervous than he had ever been about seeing his friend. He contemplated messaging Tsukishima not to come in the end, but being the dumbass he is, Yama smashed his phone entirely. Disabling it to the point it wouldn't turn on. 

Yamaguchi never showed up at school. Again, having bare energy to do anything. He woke to a note tapped on his door, pretty much explaining his mom wouldn't be back until next week. 

Apparently, that meant he would never see her again...

"Yams," A voice called, knocking on his bedroom window. 

Yamaguchi spun around and sighed, "Why are you here? I told you to come over after school..."

"I know, but...you didn't reply to any of my messages. And yesterday you were frantic..." Tsukishima mumbled, seemingly emotionless, but a faint smile across his face. 

"My, uh, phone is broken," Yamaguchi admitted, chucking it towards Tsukishima as if he needed proof. 

"Oh! Alright...sorry, I think you were deliberately ignoring me or something...also, about yesterday-"

"-I'm sorry. I acted like...a complete dick, I wish I never said those awful things. I really am sorry." Yamaguchi lowered his head, "But if it's any consolation...I'm envious of you."

Tsukishima shook his head, "I was going to tell you that you're right...everything you said...was right. I suck at being a good friend, but I...Yams, I appreciate you most in this world, alright? You're my best friend. And despite my apparent lack of knowledge as to show it...I mean it." 

"Really? You aren't going to slap me, Tsukki?" 

"No...yesterday made me face the truth, ok? And it also made me see how cool you are..." 

Yamaguchi smiled to himself, "I'm...cool?" 

"Yeah...really cool," Tsukishima whispered. He shuffled around awkwardly for a moment, before slowly wrapping his arms around Yamaguchi. Something they rarely do, but god, it felt amazing. 

Yamaguchi's face snuggled into the crook of Tsukishima's neck. Breathing in his scent and feeling his eyes well up with tears. This was his best friend. The same guy who saved him, without knowing, countless times. 

And Yamaguchi, being selfish, was leaving him. 

"Ok, alright..." Yamaguchi pulled away, wiping his eye with his sleeve and turning around, "I'm gonna go take a shower if you don't mind..." 

Tsukishima smiled, "Sounds good...I'll order some food and put on a movie, does that sound ok?" 

"Yeah...thank you. Get some cookies..." Yamaguchi grabbed a towel, heading to the bathroom and locking the door behind himself. He opened the cabinet and found what he wanted. 

A razor and washcloth. 

Yamaguchi spun the knob, waiting for the cold water to slowly turn warm. 

He peeled off his clothes, covering himself in case any cameras were hidden, something he always tended to do with his anxiety and moved into the shower. Pulling the curtain aside and sitting down right away. 

Their shower was pretty big. Enough space for Yamaguchi to sit with his legs out, at least. 

His stomach, thighs and lower arm had already been plastered with cuts. Having been and stayed there for years. 

He didn't want to think about them, though. 

Yamaguchi grabbed the razor, holding it against his thumb and cutting a small strip along. It stung, as always. But somewhere along the way, the pain fell bearable. 

He lowered the razor to his stomach, sucking in and cutting a semi-long strip down his chest. Usually, he made shapes. Squares shit like that in case he ever got caught. 

This time, he just cut deep along his stomach and thighs. Holding the washcloth over the cut, soaking the blood and cringing once the water fell red after rinsing the washcloth. 

He probably made around thirty or forty cuts in total. 

Yamaguchi stood, feeling weak to his knees, but ignoring it. He washed his hair as well as his body, moving to every uncomfortable position so the soap doesn't wash into the cuts. Having learnt from experience how disgustingly sore it felt. 

His shower ended. 

Yamaguchi dried himself, put the cream over his new cuts, pinching himself whenever the stinging came. He changed into some grey sweatpants, a casual long sleeve shirt, brushed his hair and teeth before meeting Tsukishima on the couch. He had two cups in his hand, a blanket across his legs and a movie playing. 

"Is the food here?" Yamaguchi asked, taking one of the cups and slithering under the blanket. He rested on his newly formed cut, choking back a groan. 

"Not yet. I ordered burgers, is that alright? It came with fries and I got a cookie as well," Tsukishima explained, moving his leg gently to brush against Yamaguchi's. 

"Thank you. My next shift is tomorrow, can I pay you back then?" 

"You don't need to pay me back, Yams." 

Yamaguchi shrugged, "I'll be subtle so you don't notice." 

Tsukishima smiled, glancing at Yamaguchi a second longer than he should have. 

Before anything could happen, there was a knock on the door, which made a loud noise and both boys jumped back. 

"Just the food..." Tsukishima mumbled. He grabbed his wallet and headed to the door, taking the food and paying. Muttering out a, 'thank you,' once the delivery man was leaving. "This smells really good...and like oil." 

"What did you expect?" Yamaguchi joked, walking to the kitchen to grab cutlery and plates. "Thank you, Tsukki." 

"No problem...now, eat up before it gets cold." 

They began eating as if there was no tomorrow. Scoffing down the food and continuing the movie. They shared burgers, drinks and talked about their food. Giving mindless reviews and generally talking the way they always did. 

Until it got serious.

"What would you do if I left?" Yamaguchi asked suddenly. 

Tsukishima furrowed a brow, "How do you mean?" 

"Like...if I left the town. Moved away?" 

"Well...I would come with you." 

Yamaguchi laughed, "What do you mean you would come with me? Your parents wouldn't allow it."

"Then...I'll sneak away with you," Tsukishima admitted, "Why, are you leaving?" 

Yamaguchi froze up, internally arguing with himself whether it would be good or not to tell Tsukishima, before deciding against it. 

"No, I'm staying," He smiled, "Do you want more soda?" 

Tsushima nodded, "Sure. Thanks."

Yamaguchi walked to the kitchen, keeping an eye on Tsukishima from the counter and sighing. He had his chance to tell him but didn't. Tsukishima said himself if Yamaguchi left he would follow. But the situation would be different if Tsukki knew it was truly happening. 

"Are you tired?" Yamaguchi called out, noticing Tsukishima's continuous trail of yawns. 

"Kind of..." Tsukishima called back, "Would you mind?"

"Feel free to have a nap." 

"Would...would you join me?" 

Yamaguchi blushed, waiting a second before walking back over to the lounge room. 

Tsukishima was curled up under the blanket. On his right side, pushed against the back of the couch to leave enough room for Yamaguchi to slip beside him.

Which he did without hassle. And it felt nice. 

Tsukishima's arm slipped around Yamaguchi's waist. Pressing his face in the other boy's back and sighing contently. 

"I'm sorry for everything," Tsukki whispered. 

"I know. Me too..." Yamaguchi replied. 

* * *

Yamaguchi woke to arms lazily wrapped around him, and his best friend breathing into his neck. 

He felt overwhelmed. Groaning and wriggling out of Tsukishima's embrace to go upstairs and look around for his journal. 

It was a weird feeling. 

Yamaguchi, for a second, wondered if he could ever fall in love with Tsukki. With his strange little habits and quirks, the way he keeps himself in such good condition but doesn't dare to announce that to anyone. 

With a sigh, Yamaguchi sat at his desk, grabbed a pen and let himself write whatever came to mind. 

_Hello. Two entries? Odd, I know. I was just thinking at this moment, what it would be like waking up beside Tsukishima every day. He makes me happy. A lot more than anyone else I've met, and I feel like I don't show my appreciation enough. Today, a few hours ago, he told me if I were to leave he would follow. Despite what his parents would say, Tsukki said he would run away with me. And that had to mean something, right? It can't just be stupid comments-_

"You left," Tsukki groaned, suddenly at the doorway, "What are you writing? You look pretty focused on it." 

Yamaguchi jumped, chucking the notebook into his desk, "I'm writing...your birthday card!" 

"My birthday isn't until September? We're in December. Why are you writing it now?" 

"Because...that nap was great," Yams lied, "I enjoyed it so much I figured, why not just write your card and talk about it there?" 

"Oh..." Tsukishima blushed, rubbing his neck awkwardly, "Cool..."

"Super cool!" 

Tsukishima nodded, taking a seat on Yamaguchi's bed and looking around his room. 

"I've always loved your room, Yams." 

Yamaguchi smiled, "You have?" 

"Yeah. It's retro...basic, but like, cool. You know?" 

"I think I understand what you mean, but your room is much cooler than mine. All the space shit..." Yamaguchi turned around and checked the time; 5:15 pm, it read. 

"My God, we've slept all day!" He chuckled, "Anyway, I need to grab some thing's from the drug store. Do you mind?" 

Tsukishima shrugged, "I'll come. I need to get my mom something to make for dinner anyway. Ready to go?" 

They put on their coats and shoes, locked the door and left. As always, clung together and talking like absolute morons. But it was nice, nonetheless. 

Yamaguchi's hand was slipped around Tsukishima the entire walk, and staying in position once they reached the store. 

"I need to get my medication, So...If you don't mind, I'll go do that now, alright?" Yamaguchi smiled before heading up to the counter. He shoved his prescriptions in his pocket before leaving, as well as stole his mom's money the night before. He showed the lady the sheet's and waited for his medication to be delivered. 

"Have you taken this before?" The lady asked. 

"Yes, I've been taking it for five years."

"Alright. That will be $230." 

Yamaguchi's eyes grew wide. He had some money shoved in his pocket, plus the money from his mom. But he wasn't too sure he had enough for the purchase. 

Sighing, he called Tsukishima over. Talking as quietly as possible and asking for an extra $30. And despite his immense amount of embarrassment, Tsukishima gladly gave the money to him. 

"Thank you. And here you go," Yamaguchi gave the lady the money and took his medication in return. Walking away and anxiously waiting by the door while Tsukishima paid for whatever it is he brought. 

They left the shop after about three minutes.

"Would you stop worrying?" Tsukishima spoke after a while, "I'm happy to help. It's not that much money."

Yamaguchi blushed, "It is to me..."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" 

"-I'm joking," Yamaguchi stopped by the park, taking a seat on the bench and sighing, "Do you...want to run away?"

"Depends whether you're asking or being theoretical, Yams." 

"Say...this isn't just a joking around question?" 

"Well, if that was the case," Tsukishima paused, "I would say totally. My mom would be able to take care of our family, so it wouldn't matter too much."

Yamaguchi nodded slowly, "So...can we?" His words came out much too fast to be understood. 

"Are you serious?" Tsukishima asked, "When do you mean? And why?" 

"Uh, Friday..."

Yamaguchi sighed, "I've got a feeling you would be going without me or not...are you ok, Yams? If you're seriously considering this I need to know why. You can't just leave your entire life behind."

"Why not?" Yamaguchi mumbled, "The point of leaving is because everyone hurts me...why would I hold myself back if I believe, at all, this will enhance my happiness." 

"Yams...fuck, if everyone hurts you, then why did you tell me about your plan?" 

"Because, and I said you've hurt me, but you mean the most to me. You're my best friend...and if I leave, I want you with me. For protection, fun...who knows what could happen. Is it really such a bad idea, Tsukki?" 

Tsukishima considered this, "I...yes, this is an awful idea. Look, I...I can't just leave my family. Or the team..." 

Yamaguchi could have sworn his heart broke. This was his best friend, potential love, and he was getting rejected. 

Without a second thought, Yamaguchi got up and ran back home. Ignoring Tsukishima's mindless calling out, and locked the doors to his house. 

He sat in the bathroom, on the floor and screamed. Sobbing into his shoulder, and shouting some more once he noticed the blood which seeped through his sweatpants. 

He fell asleep crying. Knowing nobody cared for him. 


	3. Chapter three

_Three days. Three days until everything is gone. No more worries about school, no more hiding from mom every time she comes home in fear of getting assaulted. No more volleyball, and no more friends-despite how much they mean to me. I tried with Tsukishima but got rejected. He told me I was stupid for thinking of this. Which hurt, a hell of a lot. Except he's wrong, my plan isn't idiotic or anything other than brave. I'm doing this for me. To some, it's selfish. But for me? I truly believe it will make me happy. Anyway, I'm going to talk to Kageyama and Hinata today about the other day. I feel like an asshole. Bye._

Tadashi's phone rang all night and morning. Well, the home phone he used since he was stupid enough to break his own.

He knew exactly who it was, which was precisely his intent to not answer. He had little energy, and dealing with Tsukishima's bullshit was not going to increase his strength. Although Yamaguchi had slight paranoia Tsukki would mention his plan to someone else. 

So, after much internal arguing, Yamaguchi sighed and answered the phone. 

"Hello?" He spoke, "Can you _please_ stop calling?"

"No! Yams, this is your life," Tsukishima went straight to the point, "Think about this. Actually think about it, alright? You're seventeen. Not even an adult and you want to go ruin your life because something happened that you don't even have the courtesy of telling me what?" 

"Are you joking, Tsukki? Are you seriously making this about yourself?" 

"No, I'm not! I'm just saying...be rational. What if someone files a missing person report? Your face will be everywhere, people will know your face and they'll report you as found! And you brought me into this, ok? I have every right to include myself." 

Yamaguchi forced out a laugh, "You had a right to include yourself when you told me you would come, then bailed the next second! I thought we were friends." 

"Don't do that," Tsukki whispered. 

"Do what?" Yamaguchi tested. 

"Make me feel guilty. You're asking me to throw away my life." 

"I would do it for you! Tsukishima, I would fucking do anything for you and...you know what? Nevermind. I don't need this shit. I'll do what I want. Thanks for nothing." He hung up and rolled his eyes. Forcing back the tears daring to fall from his eyes. He wouldn't be blaming Tsukki so much, but Tsukki promised. 

Suddenly, Yamaguchi shot up from his bed and changed to some clothes. He washed his cuts, bandaging them as well. It stung, but he knew covering and cleaning them would him better. Although in the long run, not cutting at all would be best. 

He ate breakfast, playing music aloud to himself. Anger filling him by every song. Since, well, he only had one playlist and it was dedicated to Tsukishima. 

"Asshole..." Yamaguchi hissed, throwing his cereal bowl in the sink, chewing on a strip of gum and leaving. 

He did the same routine as every other morning and ended up at school seconds away from the bell. 

Expectedly, Yamaguchi was late to his first class. Awkwardly entering when the class was reading in silence. The teacher wasn't bothered. 

Once seated, he looked up and met angry eyes. 

"What do you want?" Yamaguchi mouthed, irritated. He hadn't really thought about the tension which would evolve at school. Not until now. 

"I'm sorry," Tsukki mouthed in response, "Come sit next to me." 

Yamaguchi shook his head, grabbing the attention from Kageyama, who seemed somehow more pissy this morning. 

"Uh, sorry..." Tadashi whispered, "Actually, I wanted to say sorry." 

Kageyama raised a brow, "For what?" 

"I was really mean to you on Monday..." 

"Oh...you don't like, need to say sorry." 

Yamaguchi sighed, "I do. And I hope you forgive me. I had no right being that mean." 

Kageyama's face heated up, before awkwardly raising his fist. 

Yama, understanding the gesture, gave him a fist bump. 

They both went back to their books and started a new conversation about Volleyball once the teacher told them to put their books away. 

The entire lesson, Yamaguchi could feel Tsukishima's eyes burning through him. But he didn't give in. He was too embarrassed. After pouring his heart out and admitting something important to him, but Tsukishima just told Yamaguchi it was a stupid idea. 

"Are you going to practice at lunch?" Kageyama asked suddenly. 

"I...I don't know," Yamaguchi shrugged, "I don't think I'm that good of an asset..."

"You are, don't doubt yourself. And it actually isn't a practice, we're mostly just hanging out in the gym because Sagawara needed to talk to us about something."

Yamaguchi nodded, "Do you know if Tsukki is going?" 

"I assumed you would know?" 

"Yeah...we aren't talk-actually, don't worry. Thanks, Kageyama. See you at lunch." Yamaguchi grabbed his books and headed to his next class as soon as the bell rang. His next class was with Tsukishima, and it made Yamaguchi anxious. Knowing they would almost have to talk. 

That theory was confirmed, once Yamaguchi felt a hand rest on his shoulder. 

"Talk to me," Tsukishima mumbled, "Please?" 

"No! I don't want to talk to you," Yamaguchi argued, "You gave me false hope. You can't pretend that didn't happen, yeah? You really hurt me." 

"And I'm sorry! I really am. But we're teenagers. We can't just...run away. If you have a problem so big you need to run away, we can work it out!" 

"I can't talk about it with you, Tsukki. Why can't you understand that?" 

Tsukishima checked around for a second, before leaning in slowly. 

Yamaguchi stepped back, "What the hell are you doing?" 

"I...I don't want you to leave," Tsukki's face was red, and seemingly in complete shock, "Fuck, I'm sorry...God, that's so embarrassing." 

"And you thought kissing you would make me want to stay?" 

"I just thought...if you loved me-" 

"-I _do_ love you. That's why I asked you to come, Tsukki. But I'm leaving no matter what, whether you're by my side or not." 

Tsukishima sighed, "Ok...fine." He walked away, into the classroom and sat beside another student. 

Yamaguchi felt bad. But this was his life. 

* * *

Tsukishima closed his eyes, tight. Laying on his bed, facing up to the roof. 

He felt...confused. 

Yamaguchi had always been his best friend. They had always been a power duo, but now? Their entire dynamic was changing. 

First, Yamaguchi is leaving and he asked Tsukishima to come. 

Second, Tsukishima agreed then backed out. 

And last, Tsukishima-the idiot-tried to kiss Yamaguchi. 

Deep down, Tsukishima knew he always had a strong admiration for Yamaguchi. He just never understood the difference between friend and lover. 

Of course, he would never get to experience the lover aspect, but he...he knew what it was. 

Maybe his crush was confirmed with that. Or maybe he was simply trying anything to get his friend back. Whatever gave Tsukishima reason to try and kiss Yamaguchi...he wanted to do it again. He wanted the feeling to come back. 

Tsukishima wanted to kiss Yamaguchi. 

"Oh fuck..." Tsukishima whispered to himself, shocked by his discovery, "No...fucking hell, this can't be right."

He shot up from his bed, looking through his wardrobe and finding a small jumper, the name tag reading 'Yamaguchi.' 

Tsukishima slowly held it to his nose and breathed in. Receiving the answer he knew and almost wanting to cry. 

This changes everything. 


	4. Chapter four

_My anxiety was through the roof this morning. One more day...I worked out today is my last day at school. I'll be leaving early tomorrow morning. One, two or three in the morning. So today is my last day with my friends...with Tsukishima. Knowing I'm safe. And I'm scared, I'll admit it. Especially since it was confirmed. Tsukki would not be coming with me. Anyway. I'll see you tomorrow diary. My last entry..._

Yamaguchi woke on the sofa. The tv quietly playing in the background, and junk food spread around him. 

He smiled to himself, thinking about something he always imagined doing but never had enough courage for. But now, knowing he was leaving, it was perfect timing. 

After racing upstairs, Yamaguchi found himself aimlessly searching through his wardrobe. Looking for _the outfit._

Fortunately, He found it shortly after his search began. Somehow, it wasn't creased. 

Yamaguchi smiled to himself, he took the outfit to the bathroom, shut the door, turned on the shower and stripped down. 

After feeling the water temperature, he slipped into it and shut the curtain. 

The water felt _so good._ He knew, after that one moment of water dripping down his face, that he would miss this terribly. 

Having said that, Yamaguchi decided to use this shower to his advantage. He sat down, surprisingly fitting with his legs out, and began shaving. 

Starting from his legs, armpits and ending with his lower body. He washed his hair, too. And his body with the fancy scented shower gel his mom left. 

After drying his hair, Yamaguchi used the after-shave cream and rubbed it wherever he saved. Waiting a couple of minutes after to allow it to set, before changing into his outfit. 

It fitted perfectly. Complimenting his body in every positive way. Outlining his ass, as well as his upper arm muscles. 

This was sure to get a compliment or two. Or a punch by some homophobic loser at his school...maybe both. 

Nonetheless, Yamaguchi posed to himself in the mirror, before grabbing his bag and leaving for school. 

* * *

"My god..." Sugawara whispered, "You look so cute, Yams! I love this outfit on you." 

"Really? Thank you!" Yamaguchi replied, "That means so much...you're the best." 

"Ah, man...if you keep being that nice I might accidentally cry." 

Yamaguchi shrugged and chuckled, before looking at his next bunch of friend's. 

Nishinoya, Kageyama and Tanaka. 

"Wow..." Tanaka mumbled, "That...you..." 

"This really, uh..." Nishinoya tries. 

And last, Kageyama, "Nice fit, Yamaguchi. You really suit this."

"You don't think I look too dumb?" Yamaguchi asked. For a moment, losing his confident stride, "I feel silly..."

"Don't!" Nishinoya yelled suddenly, "Tanaka is the straightest dude I know and he was speechless. What does that say?" 

Yamaguchi blushed, "Nobody seemed...like, surprised by this outfit. Did you all know I was, uh, feminine?" 

Tanaka shrugged, "Not feminine. But...pretty enough, you know? If anyone else on the team tried wearing something like that-aside from Hinata-they wouldn't look good." 

In return to that statement, Tanaka received a hard slap from Kageyama. Seemingly jealous with the observation. 

And Yamaguchi couldn't disagree, "Thank you, guys. And you're right." 

"Hey, I could look good in a skirt!" Nishinoya demanded, "Seriously, I'll prove you assholes wrong!" 

"You're half my size, what are you going to do?" Kageyama teased, "Anyway, I'm going to go find Hinata. Again, you look great, Yamaguchi. I'm really happy you have the strength to wear something like that because it truthfully looks awesome." 

Yamaguchi nodded Kageyama away. Noticing the bell ringing, and heading to his locker. 

Once unlocked, a note slipped out. 

He raised a brow and began reading. 

**'Yams, We need to talk. T.'**

Yamaguchi rolled his eyes. Not this again. Yesterday, Tsukishima tried to kiss him. And despite Yamaguchi's long-lasting crush, he had to hold his ground. Everything would be too hard otherwise. Plus, Tsukishima tried to kiss him as a joke to stay. 

He searched around and nodded once he saw Tsukishima. Yamaguchi slowly approached him, anxious as ever, but biting it back. To seem confident, you had to act confident.

"What do you want?" Yamaguchi asked, "And hurry." 

Tsukishima, about to talk, stopped once he noticed what Yamaguchi was wearing. His mouth dropped. 

"What? Not good enough for you?" Yamaguchi tested, he was getting nervous all over again. How was it humanly possible for one person to get another so aware of himself. 

"No...it's not that..." Tsukishima bit his lip, "It's the opposite actually..." 

Yamaguchi raised a brow, "What do you mean?" 

"Nothing...sorry, uh...I wanted to talk because...I don't know, I just realized some things and like, they included you so, uh, you know..." Tsukishima mumbled. 

"Do I know?" Yamaguchi asked, "You aren't giving me much to understand here...and why are you acting like this?" 

"Like what?" 

"Like we're a married couple or something. It's really weird, I don't get it..."

Tsukishima's face grew red, "Dude...I...fuck you, stop being a little shit!" 

Yamaguchi gasped, "What the fuck are you talking about? Bold of you to say I'm the fucked up one!" 

"Wha-I...fine, keep being a dick, I was trying to be sweet but fuck me. You look good. See you," Tsukishima gave a half-ass nod, before walking away, evidently upset. 

For the second time, Yamaguchi felt guilty. Knowing he was hurting someone else made him sick to his stomach. After being hurt, both physically and mentally, gave Yamaguchi this urge to _never_ hurt anyone else again. 

But now, he was upsetting his so-called best friend. 

And hey, maybe Yamaguchi wasn't entirely to blame. Tsukishima led him on, made Yams believe he could trust him. Which, visibly was a complete lie. 

"You can't just leave!" Yamaguchi called out. 

Tsukishima turned around, "Why not? You are." 

Fuck...Yamaguchi was in shit. Tsukishima was right. He was completely right and nothing would change that. 

"Fine, do whatever the fuck you want. I can't be bothered arguing. But, please, remember you lied and I thought I could trust you," Yamaguchi spoke. 

The distance between Tsukishima and himself was large. Their conversation, or argument-being more technical, gained attention from their peers. 

And for a second, Yamaguchi thought it was just that, them arguing. Until he remembered what he was wearing.

To say the least; he felt dumb. 

"If you fucking-" Tsukishima blushed, his voice raised, before he walked closer to his friend, "If you told me what the hell is going on, I would understand, alright? Stop blaming me because you're scared." 

"I'm _scared?_ " Yamaguchi laughed, "I'm not fucking scared. What I am, though, is...fine, I'm fucking scared! You win, are you happy I admitted it?" 

Tsukishima seemed taken aback. Apparently not expecting Yamaguchi to admit something like that. But he was thrilled, nonetheless. Almost contemplating something for a second. His mouth opened to speak, but Yamaguchi ran off before anything could happen. 

Tears fell, despite his lack of knowledge as to why. 


	5. Chapter five

Tsukishima, Sugawara and Nishinoya looked around aimlessly. Hoping to find their friend somewhere in the school. 

Deep down, Tsukishima knew he shouldn't have gone as far as he did. It was shitty, for him to have a go knowing well enough he didn't mean it. 

"He's probably at home," Nishinoya pointed out, "He had an anxiety attack not too long ago and I took him home." 

Sugawara raised a brow, "You never thought to tell me earlier? When did that happen?" 

Nishinoya shrugged, "I don't know when exactly, but this is beside the point. We need to find him, now. Wearing something like that, he could get hurt!" 

With that, Tsukishima began panicking. Nishinoya, for once, was right. Yamaguchi in a skirt-a fucking attractive teenage boy, no less. That was sure to either raise some eyebrows or have elder men questioning themselves. 

Despite how disgusting that sounds. 

"Let's split apart," Tsukishima announced after a minute, "I'll check by his place, you two look wherever you can, alright? We need to find my fucking-uh, I mean Yams. We need to find him." 

Sugawara nodded slowly, "Don't worry, Tsukki. We will. Don't get all anxious and...you know, nonchalant."

"I'm not, get fucked," Tsukishima rolled his eyes and began walking out the gate from their school. He was fast and searched around anxiously. Hoping for something, anything to happen. He wanted to see Yamaguchi sitting somewhere and be his knight in shining armour.

That wasn't the case, though. 

What Tsukishima did find, was find Yamaguchi sat at a bench, headphones in as he sobbed. 

For a second, Tsukishima wondered if he should turn around and leave instead of disturbing his friend. 

Or...potential ex-friend.

"Yams..." Tsukki whispered, carefully approaching the boy, "Take your headphones off." 

Suddenly, Yamaguchi looked up and gasped. Almost falling over the bench. 

"What the fuck! You just about gave me a heart attack," Yamaguchi hissed.

"I'm sorry..." 

"You tried cutting our conversation! Why are you fucking following me?" 

Tsukishima's mouth dropped, "I...you barely ever curse."

"Exactly! That's how mad I am! Yamaguchi screamed, "You will never understand what it's like having your parents leave! Tsukki, my mom comes home once a month for fucking money! I'm her son, and I have to loan her money for drugs. And my dad? Fucking dead. No sibling's, no other family. Each night I spend cutting myself, Tsukki! Because at this point, I fucking deserve it! So, again, fuck you! I wouldn't wish that on anyone, but what would I know? After all, you're right. I'm dumb and you're amazing."

"Stop! Yams, I...I'm so sorry. I had no idea. If I knew about everything...If you ever hurt yourself because of me, I would never forgive myself. I never meant to call your idea dumb. I know it's not, but...fuck, I still can't go. Do you understand why?"

Yamaguchi nodded slowly, "Yeah..."

Tsukishima sat beside Yamaguchi, attempting to subtly wrap an arm around him. 

"I love you," Tsukishima admitted, "And I hate being nice and sweet, or whatever. But it's true. And I need you to know." 

Yamaguchi nodded again, "I know, but...I can't say the same. Knowing I'll be leaving you tomorrow, it seems wrong." 

Tsukishima's eyes widened, "Tomorrow? You're leaving tomorrow?" 

"I told you that already." 

"I didn't think you actually meant so soon!" 

Yamaguchi shrugged, "I'm sorry..." 

"Will...you be at, uh, school?" 

"No, I'm not going back..."

"What about the boys? Will you say goodbye?" Tsukishima asked. 

"Probably not," Yamaguchi admitted, "Too hard..." 

"Yeah...so, uh, what about me?"

Yamaguchi looked to the floor, kicking a rock below him. This was such inappropriate timing to admit shit, but he knew it needed to be done. So he whispered, 

"Tsukki, you'll be the hardest..." 

Apparently pleased with the answer he received, Tsukishima allowed his hand to gently place on Yamaguchi's thigh. Looking forward, too awkward to make eye contact. 

"What are you doing?" Yamaguchi asked in a whisper. 

"I can't waste the chance..." Tsukishima mumbled. 

Before any other words were said, Tsukishima, in one motion, pulled Yamaguchi to his lap lazily. 

Yamaguchi's legs were bent, his body facing Tsukishima, so they were face-to-face. 

Slowly, Tsukishima leaned in and connected their lips. His hands gently rested under the fabric of Yamaguchi's skirt, his thigh smooth, and partly rough depending on where his hand was placed. He knew the rough surface too well. 

"Are you kissing me out of...I don't know, is this a momentary thing?" Yamaguchi asked, "Because...my house is always an option if you...need relief."

Tsukishima sighed, feeling himself grow hard in his jeans. And apparently, Yamaguchi felt it too, by the change of his expression. 

"Would you mind?" Tsukishima asked, "I think my body is heating up."

"Lies..." Yamaguchi laughed, "Your dick is poking me." 

Tsukishima blushed, standing up, Yamaguchi still wrapped around himself. 

"Do you mind getting down while we walk?" 

"Yeah," Yamaguchi stood, "But believe me, you'll be holding me for the next hour or two, you fucking asshole."

Something about aggressive Yamaguchi made Tsukishima grow more in his pants if that was even possible beyond this point. 

"I'm not sure you actually understand how good you look in that skirt," Tsukishima pointed out, "I almost came in my pants when we were arguing earlier. You were swearing and getting so fucking mad, and your skirt..."

Yamaguchi blushed, "You get hard over me in a skirt and when I get angry with you?" 

"Oh god..." Tsukishima gasped, "Are I'm a total freak?"

"No, and shut the fuck up. Let's just get this fucking done. You've got me in a rush now." 

Tsukishima walked behind Yamaguchi, still holding his hand and practically getting dragged. 

But he didn't complain. Not when Yamaguchi's ass was right in front of him, somehow getting prettier by each step. 

They were actually doing it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so obsessed with imagining yams in a skirt looking like an e-girl!!


	6. Chapter six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> major smut warning

Yamaguchi pushed Tsukishima on the bed, straddling him after a second and attacking his neck.

"Oh, God..." Tsukishima moaned, "Are you a bottom?" 

"Take a guess, you moron," Yamaguchi hissed. Admittedly, he was getting too into this whole 'I get horny when you get mad' aspect. But hey, Tsukishima seemed content enough.

Without a warning, Yamaguchi pulled his lips away from Tsukishima's neck, instead, looking at his mouth instead. 

"What?" Tsukishima asked, becoming self-conscious. "Is there something on my face?" 

"No..." Yamaguchi smiled, "You're symmetrical." 

Tsukishima chuckled, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you're really attractive." 

"Oh...really? You mean that?" 

Yamaguchi rolled his eyes, "I'm literally dry humping you, I'm pretty sure we have moved past this part, yeah?" 

"I...I never imagined you so bold during sex," Tsukki pointed out. 

"You imagined this?" 

"Well...d-didn't you?" 

Yamaguchi smiled, "I think I did." He pressed a light kiss to Tsukishima's lips, before pressing a single finger down his chest, stopping at his waistband. "Do you mind?" 

"What are you uh...going to do?" Tsukishima asked. "I don't want to pressure you into doing anything..."

"Shut up, Tsukishima." Yamaguchi grinned to himself, wondering when their characteristics changed. How their roles were suddenly reversed. 

Re-emerging from his inner thoughts, Yamaguchi slowly, painfully slowly, pulled down Tsukishima's pants. He felt butterflies and curiosity build in the pit of his stomach. 

"Oh..." Yamaguchi whispered, the size of Tsukishima being so far from what he imagined, he wondered whether this was a dream or reality. 

"What? Is it weird?" Tsukishima asked, covering himself up with both hands. 

"No! You're...so much...bigger than I pictured..."

Tsukishima's face heated, "Oh..."

Again, without bothering to vocalise his next move, he slowly licked a strip up Tsukishima's shaft, kitten-licking the tip and watched with content as precome sputtered out. 

"So fucking pretty..." He whispered to himself. Fascinated by Tsukishima's cock, and yet, having no shame in admitting that to anyone but himself. "So big." 

Yamaguchi took around half of his length, four and a half inches, into his mouth and began hollowing his lips, while sucking and licking everywhere. 

He watched enough porn to know this was how guys liked it. And with Tsukishima above him letting such lovely noises escape his mouth, and his fingers curled through Yamaguchi's hair softly. 

Until he began pulling harder, and Yamaguchi let a moan out himself. 

"Oh god, pull my hair harder," He pleaded, "Please?" 

Tsukishima, although confused, did as he was told. He threw his head back once Yamaguchi began going down on him again, while his fingers threaded and pulled his hair. 

"So good, so good..." Tsukishima moaned, "Wait, stop, can you get off me." 

Yamaguchi quickly got off and wiped his mouth, "Did I do something wrong?"

"No. But...I was about to come. Don't you, uh...want me to, like, you know..."

"If we can't use the words, I don't think we're mature enough to do it." 

Tsukishima slapped a hand over his forehead, "Are we going to have sex or just get off by giving one another head?" 

"Good boy. And we're having sex if you want." Yamaguchi agreed, "I'd rather my first time be with someone I trust." 

Something about knowing Yamaguchi being a virgin, made Tsukishima go crazy. He quickly moved to his bedside table, Yamaguchi still on his lap, and took his condoms and lube out. Lazily throwing them somewhere on the bed. 

"Are you hard?" Tsukishima asked. 

"Fuck yeah I am," Yamaguchi smirked. Climbing off his friend's lap and off the bed to slide down his underwear. 

Much to Tsukishima's surprise, black panties were thrown to the floor, and Yamaguchi casually jumped back to his lap. 

"You...wore panties?" Tsukishima asked, almost in a daze. 

"Yeah, I forgot to show you. I'm glad I now know you hadn't been looking up my skirt," Yamaguchi laughed, "I'll have to show you them sometime...or, uh, not..." 

Tsukishima hesitated, before letting his hand grab and gently squeeze Yamaguchi's bare ass. 

"Are you sure you want this?" Tsukishima asked, "I don't want you to think I'm pressuring you."

Yamaguchi smiled, "You aren't."

Suddenly, Yamaguchi reached behind him and grabbed the bottled lube, chucking it beside Tsukishima and grinning. 

Considering how their friendship was literally almost ended that morning, they were strangely happy. 

"Do you know what to do?" Yamaguchi asked. 

"Yeah, I...I researched last night, actually," Tsukishima blushed, "Have you done everything you need?" 

Yamaguchi nodded. 

So after a deep breath and a few reassuring kisses, Tsukishima lubed his finger and gently circled it around Yamaguchi's hole, before easing a single finger inside.

It felt...strange, Yamaguchi couldn't tell whether or not he enjoyed the feeling. It was probably too early to tell.

"How does it feel?" Tsukishima asked, "Because this is a beautiful sight." 

Yamaguchi blushed, "Thank you...and it feels really weird. Kind of-" Suddenly, it began feeling nice. He moaned out, desperate for another finger. "More, add another." 

Tsukishima grinned, enthused by the response he received. He pulled out his finger, again, coating another few with lube, his second finger, alongside the first slipped in easily. 

"Shit, that one was so loose..." Tsukishima groaned, growing harder himself. To him, it felt nice. Pleasing someone else, especially when that person was Yamaguchi. 

Yamaguchi's head was faced to the roof, eyes shut profoundly. By this point, he was riding Tsukishima's fingers, and almost screaming once the third, and final finger was entred. 

"Is it too much?" Tsukishima asked, "I can stop?" 

"No! No...k-keep going, oh god, that feels...f-fucking amazing, Tsukki-you're so hot," Yamaguchi moaned. 

Tsukki smiled, "Shut up, I love you." 

Yamaguchi, for the second, ignored Tsukki's comment. They've exchanged 'I love you's' before. But this was different, Yamaguchi was getting fingered, and Tsukishima was blurting shit out momentarily. Clearly, he was out of it. 

Despite him not wanting to think about it, Yamaguchi got uncomfortable knowing Tsukishima wasn't going to be with him, anyone. Possibly never again. 

So he tried doing it while it lasted. 

"Alright, I'm ready." Yamaguchi kneeled above Tsukishima for a second so the fingers could be replaced with something bigger. "Have you ever had sex?" 

"No, I never have," Tsukishima smiled, "Why are you asking?" 

"Well...a condom?" 

Tsukishima blushed, "You...want me to go without?" 

"Is that a problem?" Tadashi asked, "I figured it would feel better. And since neither of us have done this, why don't we? No risks." 

"Oh...you're right, let's do that." Tsukishima blushed for a second, his hand gently caressing Yamaguchi's jaw before connecting their lips softly. "I really like you." 

Yamaguchi nodded, before pulling away and smiling anxiously. He was desperate at this point. And he was hard, needless to say. 

Catching onto Yamaguchi's desperate needs, he coated himself, cringing at the slight cold it brought.

"Are you ready?" Tsukishima asked, for the millionth time. 

"Yeah...but hold my hand," Yamaguchi whispered. He was thankful Tsukki knew the concept of consent and used it properly. 

Their hands intertwined, as Yamaguchi slowly eased down on Tsukishima's cock. Taking it slowly, and slighting uncomfortable by the immense pressure the filling of being so full brought. 

"Just stay still," Yamaguchi directed, "It doesn't hurt, but I need to get used to the feeling..."

"Ok...I'm sorry," Tsukishima muttered, "Tell me when you want me to move. And don't worry...it will feel so fucking good, you need to give it a second." 

"Don't say sorry...and...I...I know." 

They waited a few minutes, maybe three or four. Until it felt good again and Yamaguchi pulled himself up and fell back down abruptly. 

Tsukishima choked out a groan, "Fuck!" 

"Oh, my god..." Yamaguchi whispered. Already fastening up his pace and feeling nothing but lust, "You fill me so well, holy fuck...go fucking faster!" 

Tsukishima did as he was told, "Like this?" His thrusts met with Yamaguchi, the only sound being heard being their skin slapping together. 

Suddenly, Yamaguchi's hand released from Tsukishima, and instead, landed on his chest. Inching towards his neck, until it was wrapped around. 

"Fuck!" Tsukishima screamed, "Do it. Fucking joke me!" 

Yamaguchi did. Harder, and continued fucking himself down on Tsukishima. It was hell, knowing this would end as soon as it started. 

Tsukishima flipped them over at one point, his hand holding Yamaguchi's waist softly while he pressed their lips together again. Keeping it sensual, but sweet. 

"I can't believe how beautiful you are," Tsukishima praised, his finger softly touching Yamaguchi's jaw until his fingers were pressed into his mouth. 

Yamaguchi moaned, "Tsukki...go faster, I'm about to fucking come, hurry up!" 

Thirty seconds later, both boys came. Come spurting all over one another, as they fell into the mess panting. 

Tsukishima-still on top of-Yamaguchi rested his head in the crook of his neck. Pecking his neck softly every so often. 

"That felt amazing..." Tsukishima whispered, "I can't believe we've never done this before." 

Yamaguchi nodded, "Yeah...first and last time." 

"What do-oh...I'm gonna miss you a shit load..."

Tsukishima sighed, his hand around Yamaguchi suddenly becoming much tighter. Almost saying without words, how he never wanted to let go. 

Suddenly Tsukishima's began dinging. Calls and texts coming through senselessly. 

He grabbed his phone lazily, before answering. 

"Hello?" Tsukishima mumbled. 

"Tsukki! Where the fuck did you go? Suga and I have been looking around for you! Have you found Yams?" Nishinoya asked, seemingly out of breath. 

Tsukishima closed his eyes, mentally slapping himself in the face, "I...I went home, and Yamaguchi..." 

Yamaguchi shook his head, mouthing 'no.'

"Yams isn't with me. I couldn't find him! I think he went out of town with his mom, actually..." Tsukki lied, horribly. 

"Shit, I wish he could have told us. How did you find that out?" 

"I went by his house...he had a note on his bed." 

"How did you get in his bedroom?" 

Tsukishima groaned, "Noya, can we please talk later? Yamaguchi is fine, and I...I'm trying to jerk off!" 

Nishinoya suddenly began laughing, "That explains your heavy breathing...I bet you're thinking of, Yams, right?" 

"Yes, Nishinoya! I am thinking of fucking Tadashi while I jerk off, can _I_ please go now?"

"Yeah...sorry..." 

Tsukishima hung up his phone, chucking it elsewhere and falling back into Yamaguchi's body. "You smell good..." 

It took a second, but suddenly, Tsukishima noticed Yamaguchi was sobbing softly. 

He began playing with his hair, "What's wrong?" 

"Oh..." Yamaguchi whispered, "Nothing...I don't know." 

"Are you sure?" 

"I...Tsukki, you told me you l-loved me..." 

Tsukishima sighed, "I'm sorry. I didn't-" 

"-Don't say sorry! I just...I want you to know that I love you as well. But I can't act on it. Not when I'm leaving and I don't know when I'll see you again..." Yamaguchi admitted, "I don't know what to do. I've never...loved someone as much as I loved you." 

"You do love me?" Tsukki asked, "Are you seriously still leaving? After...what just happened between us?" 

Yamaguchi sat up suddenly, "What do you mean?" 

Tsukishima met his eyes, "I didn't think you would leave after this? We just..." 

"You had sex with me so I wouldn't leave?"

"No!" Tsukishima whispered, "I did this because I love you and I want to be with you...and...I guess I wasn't sure if you would leave after this. Because you have to stay. You're my best friend. The love of my life..."

Yamaguchi leaned in slowly, pecking Tsukki before sighing, "I'm leaving, and I'm sorry, but I am."

Tsukki nodded. He looked down for a while, not really saying anything. 

Yamaguchi, having fallen uncomfortable, sat up and slipped his panties back on. Ignoring the way he felt Tsukishima's eyes shoot through his back.

"I'm going with you," Tsukishima said suddenly, "I'm not lying. I'm coming. I'm fucking coming." 

"Are...you sure?" Yamaguchi asked, "I'm going tomorrow." 

"So am I. I'll come back to you in a few hours. Tell my parents I'm staying the night, wait for me." He kissed Yamaguchi's temple, before standing, slipping his pants back on and leaving. 

Yamaguchi blushed, almost close to tears from his excitement. 

Not he, but _they_ were leaving. 

Tomorrow...

And Yamaguchi could never have wanted his best friend more. In every single way.

The only downside was how sore his ass would be for the next week. Tsukishima can fuck hard, apparently. 


End file.
